Therapy as an adult

Yes, tell me more about it

Photo by youssef naddam on Unsplash

Therapy is something that is a big taboo, especially where I am from (India). It is something that is looked down on, and being vulnerable is something you don’t do in a highly competitive society.

More often than not, we don’t realize how much everyone needs it though. Just like every piece of machinery requires maintenance, every software requires updates, every living thing requires medical check-ups, our brain is the most exercised muscle that also requires a check-in.

For me the reason to start therapy was a breakup, which had left me feeling lost. To where I couldn’t understand the reason why it happened and in-turn lost touch with myself, unable to reason my actions. So as a part of self-exploration I gave it a try and it turned out to be the best decision.

Realizations

• Self Awareness: We claim to know ourselves, only to find out that’s far from reality. We often don’t understand the exact reasoning behind our actions, and things just seem to go in life. In therapy you find those relations between your experiences and actions, your beliefs and reactions. It gives a 3rd person perspective on your own life
• Speaking Out: There is so much power to speak things out, one thing at a time, then the general noise you have in your head. Not only you deeply explore that particular thought, but expressing it out loud makes it more real to work with, and from there you can decide how to act or was it justified in the first place.
• Life Roadmap: Once things are out there, you can have a roadmap from your current situation to where you want to be. You are aware about yourself, you are willing to open up and speak-out the thoughts, what’s left to follow is the steps you take to make improvements. Therapy really helps with establishing a plan

How to make the most of it

• Be Honest: Therapy will be more effective the more honest you are, you can still go in and lie about how your life is fine. Therapists are not mind readers, so they can only work with what you tell them. Honesty will help you work on problems and reflect on your inner self.
• Pre-Planned Stories: Even though therapists are not mind-readers, they are experienced enough to ask the right questions, but if you go in with a pre-planned story on what exactly you want to talk about, it ruins the point of them accessing you and able to actually diagnose the issues.
• Document/Journal: After every session write down how the session went, what did you learn, because the sessions could be too intense to unpack, and you might loose the wisdom gained, so it’s better to document it, not only to apply the things later, but also it helps track your own progress.
• Share: It is fine, and rather helpful to share with other people that you are in therapy. Not only it puts it out in the world that you are trying to better yourself but also keeps your close circle informed of any changes they might see in you.
• Set goals: In every session make sure to set some goals for the next one, to encourage yourself to make changes, but also be able to see the effect. This promotes momentum and growth at the same time, because you’ll find out what needs to be done after the sessions, but all these actions will have to be enforced and will not just happen.

Pros

• Self-Respect: One of the biggest benefit is getting to know yourself, why you do what you do and why you are what you are. The hardships that hold you back in life, can in-turn help you realize your worth and respect yourself more
• Mental and Emotional Outlet: A lot is happening in our head, and our minds are already at maximum capacity. Even though you are paying a person, but your therapist acts as an outlet, a person there to listen to whatever is going in your life, so you don’t hold everything in.
• Overcome Roadblocks: To solve a problem you need to state it clearly in the first place, therapy does exactly that. You are able to identify any challenges and hurdles in your life, the reasons behind it. Once that is done, you can focus on how to overcome them

Cons

• Revisit your past: Therapy really makes you revisit your past, good or bad. As most of who we are, is a result of it, and going back to that place again might hurt, but is absolutely necessary to move forward.
• Discouraging: The realization that how much you can do, and what you are capable of doing, can be discouraging to a degree. As you realize how much time and potential you wasted, and how long the road ahead for self-improvement might be. However, it is a step in right direction.
• Big Commitment: In your already busy life, therapy might feel like a big emotional and time commitment, because it is not going be just the hour every week with your therapist, but also be followed by the mental fatigue from everything you will have to work on between sessions, which is going to be worth it

In the end, give it a try and be open about it. It might be the best decision of your life or it may not work, in which case maybe try another therapist. One thing I can promise is, that it will be a great investment in yourself.

Treat it like a safe space, where you are trying to honestly work on yourself, by expressing your inner thoughts, and then reasoning the actions that are based on your previous experiences. This self-work will help you overcome past trauma, any present roadblocks and future self-doubt, by making helping you better understand yourself and the potential you have.

It can be life-changing and liberating. There is one thing in life you don’t want to do, not fulfill your potential and blame it on others, and end up with regrets.

Trying to add value in the world — Jashan Kaleka